Elon’s cringey Tesla bop is part of a long line of awkward tech CEO dances — a ranking

If you’ve been on Twitter in the last two days, chances are that you’ve seen a video online of The Richest Man Alive™, celebrating.

After months of COVID delays and issues with construction permits due to environmental concerns, Elon Musk finally made it to Berlin this week to officially open Tesla’s new Gigafactory. ‘Giga’ is no exaggeration – the manufacturing hub is ready to deliver 500,000 Teslas into this world every year.

While the first Model Y cars were presented to their new owners, Elon delivered on a promise he made earlier this month on  — what else — Twitter.

Haha sure :)

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) March 4, 2022

As I watched Elon dance like nobody’s watching, I realized that his wealth and genius are rivaled only by his grace and flexibility. And it made me wonder: which tech mogul is the best dancer?

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Elon Musk
When: March 2022
Why: Opening Tesla Gigafactory Berlin
Ranking: 2/5

I was lying before. I applaud people dancing like nobody’s watching, but Elon dances like everybody’s watching. And to be fair, they are. Seeing him being cheered on by a couple of his fans, you can’t help but wonder: Where’s the heart, Elon? 

Sundar Pichai
When: July 2017
Why: Google for Nigeria event
Ranking: 3/5

While his dance moves may seem unassuming, Sundar is not. Notice how he casually engages in bits of conversation with the other dancers, and how he keeps smiling through the whole thing. This is the trained face of a man who knows his way around the dance floor. When the club is being emptied out, Sundar is still there. And he’s making out with your crush.

Tim Cook
When: April 2015
Why: Earth Day
Ranking: 5/5

Now this is what I’m talking about. Tim has no need to talk. Tim has no interest in getting a round of drinks. It’s just Tim, and the music. Positive energy radiates from Tim. Notice how people around Tim start copying his iconic windmill dance, and how it leaves Tim unphased. Our asses just got schooled. By Tim.

Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer
When: August 1995
Why: Windows 95 launch party
Ranking: 6/5

As any great dancer will tell you, it’s all a matter of balance. Body and mind. Yin and yang. Hot and cold. Gates and Ballmer. While Gates is serving smooth, quintessential 90s awkwardness, Ballmer has the energy of a man who is about to put Hulk Hogan in a headlock while wearing spandex. Perfect harmony.